Ummon
Ummon is a member who posts primarilly in The Political Mudpit and Ethos, Mores, et Monastica. He is Italian and an ex-Christian. He was the original patron of Shyam Popat, Krusoth_the_Plague and Perikles.
Ummon holds six phds and speaks twenty languages and rides a chariot pulled by obese children to work. He once arm wrestled a bear so violently that he threw in into the sea, causing the Tsunami that devestated south eastern asia. His dad can beat up your dad and if provoked will shoot you with his laser eye beams. You can't shoot back. You can't. He has double plus super armour on.
Ummon would retort that he holds one PhD and one MD, and speaks only 5 languages (although for sure he may learn more). As to the chariot pulled by obese children...