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Heinz Guderian

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Heinz Guderian, TWC's patron saint of repsults and armoured thrusts, joined the forum in August 2006 under the name 'Knight_Templar', or something along those lines. Heinz is a member of the Citizen class and widely regarded as one of the funniest members on TWC. Heinz was patronised by Shyam "the hat" Popat, and Heinz in turn patronized Rome "backwards R" kb8.


The Backstory

In December 1980 Heinz borrowed $178,000 from loan-shark Dominick "Sonny Black" Napolitano, a capo in the Bonanno crime family. Heinz planned on making a bulk purchase of 7.5 Kilos of heroin from "Euphoria Olive Oil, Inc." a Greek olive-oil importation business operating as a front for bringing in drugs through New York Harbor. Heinz would then use his connections in Philadelphia to distribute the heroin at a profit to repay his loan. After securing the heroin and transporting it to Philadelphia, in March 1981 the key dealer, FBI agent gone bad Kenneth Withers, was discovered, arrested and the heroin confiscated. Without revenue from the heroin to pay off his loan, Heinz became desperate and feared for his life. In July 1981 Heinz agreed to testify against Napolitano in the famous "Donnie Brasco" case being developed by the FBI. In exchange he would receive immunity and witness protection. Heinz and his family relocated to San Diego under false identities pending a trail date. However, in August Napolitano was murdered for his involvement with Joseph Pistone and any testimony by Heinz became moot. He remains in FBI witness protection.

He became very active in the Spring of 2007. The then-Knight_Templar quickly gained a reputation for posting awesome things in the Broken Crescent forum, and after a while, he learnt of the Common Community forums. It was during this formative time that Heinz's path crossed with GH@Z!. The two were meant to be, but in a strange twist of fate, Heinz was infracted by The Fuzz for egging GH@Z! on. Heinz appealed the note and had it repealed, much to The Fuzz's embarrassment. The Fuzz and Heinz eventually made amends, which culminated in the two becoming members of the Elite Strike Force Squad Team #7.

Reputation Wars

Heinz once used the reputation system to great effect, both repping those he liked and those he disliked. He would send the latter "repsults". A few TWC members, despite the obvious humor in said repsults, reported Heinz and he was infracted.

Awards

A talented video game modifier, Heinz won 2014 Shamb Modding Awards for Best Modder, Best Mod of 2014 and Sexiest Modder.

Other interesting tidbits

  • Heinz is a KNIGHT OF GH@Z!
  • Heinz is an avid fan of Nicolas Cage
  • Heinz's catchphrase is "armoured thrusts." Heinz loves the armoured thrusts, and has created topics on possible armoured thrusts.
  • Heinz knows that Miraj will return in 2012.
  • Heinz is one of the few people that can successfully troll anyone and everyone at the same time.
  • Heinz batted .305 with an .895 OPS during the 2008 season for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
  • In addition to being a world-class seamstress, Heinz also crochets.
  • Heinz loves to watch Nicolas Cage movies together with Pallantides.

Heinz currently lives in San Deigo with his wife and two kids, where he writes for the local paper.


Testimonials

"Really the friendliest member I have ever met, if it werent for him GH@Z! would be just be another 309-post poster and wouldnt have aspired to be the KING OF TWC!, every appeal he has stayed by my side and is probably 100% responsible for my realeases, I would take a 3 point infracted for this guy"- GH@Z!


"Heinz? Yeah I know him. I was with him in A-stan...80's. He sure hated those godless syphilis ridden communists. This one time, I saw him jump on a tank, rip off the top, and tear 4 commies inside apart with his bare hands. He wore their hides as trophies, right after commandeering the tank and participating in an armoured thrust. Yeah he was badass. Haven't seen him for a while though. Last I heard he defected to the decadent west and now lives in San Diego with his wife, two kids and writes for the local Jewish Newspaper. A shame really." - Rome kb8


"Great man but likes to troll my threads too much, we met when he was Inspector-General of the Armoured Troops back in 43 through Erwin Rommel,I supported him during his IRL troll war with Die Fuhrer in 45 however after the war we both stayed in American custody for a while, last I heard of him he was writing a sequel to "Achtung Panzer!"." - Chaghatai Khan


"I was married to Henz for two years. I was the man and he was the woman. We had an active sex life but in the end, we parted because he couldn't give me a son. We are still friends today". - Bushbush


"Heinz? I don't know who that is." - Jesus Christ


"Hero. Friend. Amazing kisser." - The Sundance Kid


"When I was going through a rough time in my life Heinz taught me to love again." - Sphere


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